A Letter to My Mother

A couple of years ago, my mother converted to a Christian belief system – one that is near fundamentalist. She had never been religious before and we used to be able to talk about anything. We talked in reasonable and rational terms (well, pretty much). When she told me about her conversion, I admit I reacted rather vehemently. You see, I have spent years “recovering” from a fundamentalist belief system. I felt I had lost my mother all over again.

A little history:

When I was 3 years old, my parents divorced. Somehow, my father got custody of me. Unheard of in the very early 1960’s. Well, he left me with his mother (for 5 years until he remarried) and prevented my mother from having any further contact with me. When I was 18, I asked him for some data on her so I could find her – like a birthdate. He told me he “did not remember”. I still remember my ex-husband’s birthdate, but perhaps he was “just being a guy” in not remembering birthdates. Finally, when I was about 26, my mother contacted him (again). He relented and gave her my address. (More on this whole story in a later post),

Suffice it to say that my mother and I got along great. I found out where I get some of my characteristics. Finally I no longer felt like the black sheep. We have remained close ever since. Not so with my father. I have not spoken to him in many years. Not because of the issue with my mother, though. I have not spoken to him because of his current wife. (Which is another story for a later post.)

Back to the present:

Well, my mother has told me she is praying for my soul. I have told her I am praying for hers. We achieved a truce last year, but of course, she can’t resist bringing up her religion in nearly every conversation. My fear of having a wall between us has been realized.

Last week, she wrote me a letter. Yes, a handwritten letter. In it, she asked me to write to her about why I have “turned away from my faith”. Wow. She was wise to suggest writing as the medium of exchange as it retains space and distance so I can gather my thoughts before expressing them. We will have less room for argument.

I began writing and wrote so much stuff that I have had to set it aside for a time in order to gain perspective. I wanted to keep it simple for my first response. I envisioned a simple letter with references to more info upon request. I love my mother and do not want to overwhelm her. Yet, I do want to connect. Perhaps, she would ask for further information and we would develop a written exchange of ideas. Yet, as I sit down to write, I find I cannot keep it simple.  (it is a bit of a long read)